When Impatience Sets In

JorDanee 4 minute read

It’s January. I want to be out of the house and in the Airstream by the end of March. Why? Because Baby #2 is due the last week of March/first week of April.

I honestly don’t care if we’re on the road full time at that point or not. I just want to be out of this house and in my silver home. I want to sit back and enjoy being a new mom and watching Alex learn to be a big sister. I want to be available for Alex as she transitions from being the only kid to being the older kid. I don’t want to spend maternity leave knee deep in yard sales or packing stuff up for donation. I don’t want to be cleaning the house for the next set of tenants and caring for two kids under two. And I certainly don’t want to be doing all that while recovering from a c-section.

We’ve already sold most of the big furniture except for couches, a couple dressers, a bed, and two standing desks. The spare bedroom has become a dumping ground as we clear out everything we don’t need or can’t use in the Airstream, and boy! Is it full of stuff! We’ve always considered ourselves minimalists, but looking at all this stuff… I just have to remind myself that even minimalists have some pruning to do when downsizing from ~2200 sq ft to ~180 sq ft.. I’m just impatient to have it all gone now.

We also have a two car garage, and over the two years we’ve been in this house, we’ve amassed a few car parts/accessories. Some of these will go with us, like the jerry cans we use to carry extra fuel when overlanding. Some of these things won’t go with us, like the rims and 35″ mud tires from our adventure mobile. But yet, nothing will happen in the garage until Mike finds time to get it done. I realize he commutes to an office and spends evenings working on side projects. Weekends are spent working on the Airstream and Air Rig. I don’t say it enough: I truly appreciate the man I married. I’m just impatient to see that garage cleared out.

I’ve come to realize my impatience has put me in a bad spot mentally and emotionally. It’s leading to frustration and anger which turns me into a brooding wife and mother. It’s not fair to Mike or Alex. It’s not fair to myself, and I can imagine it’s not fair to the little girl growing inside me.

Back in the early Spring of 2010, I was in a similar situation. I was months away from graduating with my Masters and focused on looking for full-time work. I spent hours and hours each day searching job posts, submitting my resumé, and talking with recruiters. Then graduation came and still no job offer. Thankfully someone granted an extension on my paid internship while I continued to search for work.

It was a frustrating time though. Things weren’t going how I wanted them to go, and the economy wasn’t helping. But somehow I just knew that I would get the job I wanted. I held onto that belief despite all the negativity around me. Then miracles of miracles, two offers came in within 4 days of each other, and the second offer was for the job we were hoping I’d get. By September of that year, we were living in Florida, and I was doing what I wanted to do.

It feels that way all over again. I know where I want to be. I’m just impatient for it to happen. Somehow, our material possessions have started to feel like chains, tying us down. It’s a frustrating time for me, but I know at the end of all this, I’ll be sitting in my silver home living the life I want. I just need to focus on that end goal and remind myself that where we are is temporary. Where we’re going will be worth it.